The web-master has asked me to write an article about compost. Apparently it is an interesting topic, and my comments are required.
What a Garden Needs
Two things must immediately be stated:
1. The Moosey garden needs at least four full-time under-gardeners, a tree-pruner (part time), a propagator (hours to be arranged), and almost certainly a garden designer. It does not need a bossy web master.
2. The Moosey web master, safe in his drizzly London suburb, assumes that I, Moosey, have trailer-loads of gardening experience and barrowfuls of gardening wisdom. People are interested in my compost, apparently.
Do I have the nerve to tell him that I don't actually 'do' compost?
Compost Ready to Use in the Garden
Obviously I've warned him - the making of compost is an art, with secret recipes handed down the generations. There may even be a degree in Composting from an open university somewhere.
Using Compost in Middle Border's Garden
It's terribly serious - doctoral theses have been written on the subject - there are even specialist compost magazines, compost-making competitions...
Science - and Mathematics!
I understand the science. I've seen the containers - boxes with pretty wooden slats, plastic revolving drums, etc. I've been tempted, just occasionally, to buy one and get it right.
I even get the mathematics - at least 30% of this, not more than 40% of that.
But do I actually make compost? Hmm...
Waste Garden Matter
Sometimes I think I do. Those piles of waste garden matter which I build along the fence lines seem to turn into something quite useful, given time. The matter produced is a bit dry and dusty, but definitely useful.
And they provide a good source of gourmet potatoes out of season - funny, that...
I do have an official place for throwing food scraps. I know how to impress a guest after a meal - 'Oh no, don't bother about clearing up, I'll just throw all that on the Compost'...
Occasionally I add some old pea straw or a few grass clippings and pretend I know what I'm doing. Then after a few years the heap turns into something quite useful - well, if I dig out the bottom it does.
Using Compost in the Hen House Garden
Potatoes - and Avocados!
And again I get lots of gourmet potatoes out of season, and avocado seedlings, which I've never potted up. It's far too cold for these to grow here, and avocados are normally grafted onto root stock - see I do know some things!
But that's about all I can write about compost. I hope I haven't offended anyone's garden memories of their great uncle. Hopefully there will be no howls of protest. Anyway, now that I've got more time to spend in the garden I can learn how to do Compost properly.
No Offence Intended
I hope I haven't offended the Moosey web master, either! There's no real problem about being bossy. Like mother, like son... But I'm certainly crossing my fingers he doesn't want a follow up article on Making Leaf Mould...
Shamed into publicly admitting her lack of compost-making skill, Moosey would like to state publicly that she'd rather have her lovely web master than all the under-gardeners and tree-pruners that money can buy...