Garden Ambience for Dogs
Gardening dogs the world over must be deeply puzzled about this thing called 'ambience'. Rusty the red Border Collie at Mooseys often thinks that the alpha-male of his pack (an older-lady gardener) has gone ambiently barmy.
Why Are We Waiting?
Off out she goes, carrying the lunch tray with a BLT and a dog-biscuit - then she traipses around looking for a seat with the right ambience to sit on and eat it all. Well, she doesn't eat the dog-biscuit, thankfully...
Dog on a Path
Say she chooses the blue seats, popular in the rhododendron flowering season, followed by a pushy cat. Then she twitters on about the ambience, and how important it is not to spoil it, and to 'lose that barking face'. Barking face? Silly gardener - barking is a noise...
Use the Path? No Problem...
And this one is a total no-brainer. Come when you're called - fair enough. But to be patted and petted and told you're such a gooooood dog, and sooooooo clever, just because you used the path. Honestly - can't they smell anything? This path was used last Thursday...
Aargh! No shaking...
Don't Spoil the Ambience...
A dog always gets told off for spoiling the ambience, whatever that is. And all for one budget dog biscuit, which would be much easier to crunch on the kitchen floor.
And if a dog dares to rediscover any lost food treasure he's buried underneath the hedge... What's that dreadful shrieking sound coming from the Head Gardener? Doesn't sound human.
Aargh! No Munching Rotten Things...
Anyway, for dogs who are still trying to get this ambience thing right, here's a list of the usual no-nos.
No, No, No...
- 1. No bunting the cat.
- Never mind that the claw-legged feline is allowed on the gardener's lap, nearer the BLT. The cat never gets a booming 'PAWS DOWN'.
- 2. No chasing bees.
- Buzzy low-flying fiends. This one is a bit puzzling, though. 'Get OFF the garden'... what garden?
- 3. No barking at helicopters and planes.
- Invaders in the skies! High alert - whoosh! Off and out of Moosey air-space. Phew. The skies are safe again...
- 4. No licking the gardener's hand.
- She's awfully quiet in that chair - perhaps she's dead? Oops. Just asleep - well, she was just asleep.
Aargh! No rolling...
No Shaking...
It's a pity they don't like water. There's nothing like a quick swim in the pond followed by a good shake...
No Barking, Chasing, or Paws Up...
Back to the ambience thing. Barking is obviously out, paws are definitely down. Ambience seems to be a boring state where nothing happens.
It can't have anything to do with the burbling stream... Throw the tennis ball! Or the birds squeaking and cooing in the trees... Get the pigeon! Or a lovely pair of low-flying Paradise ducks, looking for a paradise pond... Chaaaaarge!
And No Rolling...
So I guess a dog just finds a comfortable spot in the grass, lies down, and rolls around a bit... Nope, that doesn't work either. 'Rusty! What disgraceful thing are you rolling in? Come here!' Oh boy.
Ambience is for the birds. Birds!