Talking to the Garden Club

 Wanting to do something exciting...
the Dogs

I'm giving a talk at the local Garden Club this afternoon. Aargh! Why did I say yes? Because I'm full of hot air and big ideas, and overflowing with self-esteem. Oops. Hope the audience isn't too serious. Because gardening for me is so full of silliness and fun, daft struggles, irrational dreams and schemes. I never, ever want to be a gardener who 'acts her age'. Maturity can be grossly over-rated.

Practice on the dogs...

I practiced my Garden Club introduction on the dogs just now. Two pairs of intense brown eyes stared back at me, two heads slanted to the side, ears pointy and alert, concentrating. They think my talk is interesting, yes?

Dogs. Are you listening? Let me tell you about the right time to prune Wisteria. Let me tell you what I should have done in August, before September sneaked in and bit me on the bottom.

Topic : Things I Should Have Done in The Garden But Forgot

For the title of my talk is 'Things I Should Have Done in The Garden But Forgot'. I have written up my notes using the scientific thesis style of numbering. Ha! So well organised! For visual interest I am going to take some exhibits. For example, a bag of bulb food for 'When should I fertilise my bulbs?', a dollop of horse manure in a container for 'When should I put manure around my Rhododendrons?' and a rooted piece of a Camellia in a bag for 'When should I dig out a Camellia?'

 Sorry about this. It could be a bit hard to imagine...
Head Gardener's Owl Jersey

A trick question!

I thought I would also be a tease and take an old Roundup container. My question will be : 'When should I use this?' And the consensus of answers will, hopefully, be 'NEVER!'

I have decided to wear interesting clothes (raiding the dress-up box again), smile a lot, and articulate my sentences clearly. My friend (also an ex-teacher) is helping with the performance. So we two, at least, should have lots of fun...

Apres the Garden Club Talk

Success! The audience liked us. All the ladies enjoyed joining in the discussions, and the one man present laughed a lot at the following advice : 'Trim the hedge when the shears are sharp'. I made up another pithy saying, especially for the modern suburban gardener : 'Trim the hedge when the green bin is empty'.

My friend-helper enjoyed herself, too, as several of the ladies asked her expert advice on Orchids (a tricky topic, this) and Snowdrops (another super-specialist area). Luckily she knew the answers.

A new career?

This is not, however, the launching of a new career on the Garden Club speaking circuit. Truth is, I'd rather be doing. I'm happy with the dogs as my audience. Thought the word they'd rather like to hear is 'Treats!'