Spam for Gardeners

Spam. Aargh! The invasive cosmic weeds and nasty ethereal bugs which invade and annoy a gardener's e-mail. An annoyance guaranteed to bring us 'down to earth'...

Look, we gardeners are a special case, and the sooner spammers realise this the more successful their efforts would be. We always delete our spammy mail with a short sharp click - like a zealous weeder let loose on the oxalis.

 This is a gleaming glistening white rose I love.
Get Rich Quick - Plant Prosperity Roses

We don't have the time, for example, to be our own travel agents. We are far too busy getting our gardens ready for spring, or summer (early, mid or late). Travel is strictly limited to and from the compost bin. Nor do we want Rolex watches, no matter how stylishly fake. They would only remind us how long it actually takes to prune one rose without getting scratched. And getting rich quick isn't going to help with the weeding...

Garden Enhancements

There are millions of gently manic lady gardeners in this world of e-mail. We are neither prudish nor obsessed with things natural. We might require certain enhancements - but they'd be for our glass-houses, or our pergolas. And we'd all be interested in spicing up our wheelbarrows, trugs, and handcarts!

 Probably just needs a good clean.
Enhancement Needed - The Glass-House, with Head Gardener

Speaking chemically (and personally) my droopy New Zealand flaxes, flattened in a recent snow storm, could have benefited from an appropriate course of tablets specifically designed for Phormiums. But that's where it ends!

Free Pet Food!

Actually, the only spam-mail I've ever been tempted to open had the title 'Free Pet Food for a Year'. With six cats, all insisting a varied individual gourmet diet, I felt the tiniest tickle of temptation. But I resisted!

 Best friends 4 eva!
Two Consumer Cats - Fluff-Fluff and B-Puss

What's for breakfast? Not 'Diced Chicken Giblets in Pate with Tenderloin Sauce' again!

Look, here's a message to professional gardener-spammers. It's all about the title. Send us 'Remote Controlled Secateurs' or 'Solar Powered Shovel' and we'd be tempted. How about 'Electric No-Pain Pruners'? Click!


Actually, I suspect that spammers aren't the remotest bit interested in us gardeners! This strikes a pretty good balance, and long may it continue...